I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
