Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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