i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
