the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
