we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
