I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's shark week go big or go home
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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