very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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