Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He did a backflip because drugs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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