his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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