Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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