Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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