i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
