and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
