Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
