ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
