ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Betty ford says i'm here all night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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