Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
