I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
