so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
