I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Operation Purity has been aborted
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We don't watch enough power rangers
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
