i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
