if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
