this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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