Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
