He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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