A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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