I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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