i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
