So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
