it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
