I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
