I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
