apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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