god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can I color on your dick again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
