just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
