Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
