weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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