I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone says I win the strip club
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
