did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?