I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
