It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.