you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.