Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
