she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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