I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize