just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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