Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
