FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
