Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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