I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
