they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
