I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
