1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
