eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
