I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
