You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
